It's friday today :)

I can train on Monday already \:D/ I've been depressed :)) Stupid weak ankles :-j LAMPA.
2 weeks of no training whatsoever has caught up to me. Dagdag chever sa akin :>

I had a lot on my mind when I was in chowking, but now I forgot. Stupid movie on HBO :-j
It was about fat people, hwo they're being treated and how it affected the bida's life (Alyson)

Gusto ko yung isang conversation dun between Alyson and Romana.
Btw Alyson is the bida, she liek pretended to be fat so that she could make a film about it and win money then she made freinds with this other fat kid named Romana. THey becoma really close to the point na parang si Alyson langyung person na tanging nakausap ni Romana about her insecurities and everything tas ang ginawa ni Alyson, finilm niya tas sinama sa project without Romana's knowledge so syempre naktia ni R yung vid, away sila tas FO. :))) =)))) eto yung scene sa bowling alley kung saan nagtratrabaho si A.

Alyson: Can we still we be still friends?
Romano: It's Complicated

=)) yun lang.. sharing

/edited/

0725/09

I'm like here in an internet cafe in cubao near the mrt station :)) desperation :))



I'll admit, I AM JEALOUS.

I hate the fact that I have to share you with everyone else, though I know I ain't the first one to love you. I hate the fact that I feel all so broken inside whenever I see you with someone else, that you give them attention. I hate the fact that I want you for myself but I don't want to give myself to you, selfish, I know. I hate it that you've found new things in your life while here I am stuck with things I didn't ask for. I say that it's fun to be emo and bitter cause these are the only things I know how to do perfectly without anyone knowing. I've become a masochist who thinks she could handle everything by herself and that she's done troubling everyone with her insignificant problems. I am after all the Queen of Emo. I just don't dress it, I SHOW it. Although I know that you treat me differently than them, I feel scared. I'm scared cause I don't want to lose you.


It sucks that it started because ------- left. I never knew it affected me this much. Ha. Funny. Security. Shit it all. I hate the inner turmoil I'm feeling right now and the past weeks. It's eating me up, it's destroying me. I can't talk to you cause you've found a better life, I don't wanna ruin it just cause of me. I think so little of myself now. Self-esteem is at an all time low. Horrah. As much as possible I try not to be so outspoken about it. So only now after months of trying I've lost control. I couldn't keep it to myself any longer. The pain was too much and is still too much.

I feel like this cause I'm not secured. I feel that you're going to leave me just like everyone else does. One of the morning talks Ms. L said that people are like that cause maybe you've done something to them but I answer "I haven't done anything to them but then why do they still leave? Why do they still hurt me? It's not my fault."

I wipe the tears that are accumulating in my eyes right now. I can't let them fall. I'm in a public place with my boy cousin and little brother. How stupid. All because I'm venting out my feelings here.

Sometimes I tell myself that maybe I brought this upon myself. Maybe I deserved this pain. Maybe if I wasn't too self-centered or if I did things differently, you wouldn't have left or be on the verge of leaving or be distant. Damn.

I want you back so much but I do everything to avoid any conversation with you that would lead to me crying and telling you how much I miss you. How much I want to be with you. How much I want to stay in the time where everything was almost perfect and we were all happy. How much it hurts me that we're not together anymore and that I can't reach you. How much it hurts that I'm not updated with your life anymore just because we're separated. How much I want to hug you but too coward to do so cause I know you would be embarrassed or in a hurry so you'd cut the hug short. I don't want to tell you how much I need you in my life right now.

Why?

Cause I'm scared you'd fine it really reaally weird and disturbing which would lead you to leaving me and avoiding me. Crap.


Think hard before identifying who this is for. You'd be surprised to know the truth.

Last thing: